The unexpected declaration of love.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:

If a guy punches you, he likes you.

Never try to trim your own bangs.

And someday you will meet a wonderful guy

and get your very own happy ending.

and your commitment to each other.

Every movie we see,

every story we're told...

...implores us to wait for it.

But sometimes we're so focused

on finding our happy ending...

...we don't learn how to read the signs.

How to tell the ones who want us

from the ones who don't.

The ones who will stay

from the ones who will leave. 

And maybe this happy ending

doesn't include a wonderful guy.

Maybe it's you...

...on your own...

...picking up the pieces and starting over.

Freeing yourself up

for something better in the future.

Maybe the happy ending is just...

...moving on.

- He's Just Not Into You

Books and prejudices

Something today happened which made me realize how certain books from the very beginning try and influence our thinking. Right from the very start, the people around us try and impose their thinking and experiences onto us and so does the books. I used to think that the books are usually neutral but, today while reading a fairy tale story to a kid, I realized how our opinions about things and people are shaped from the very beginning. How fairies and princess are always very pretty and beautiful and how step-mothers are always very cruel. Over the last few days, I have been reading different fairy stories to a 5 year old little girl. Whenever she looks at the pictures of a fairy or the princess in the story book, she is always fascinated with the looks and never fails to comment on the good looks of these characters in the picture. Today while I was reading to her and as I mentioned a step-mother, she immediately said that the step mother must be very cruel and would not treat her step-child nicely and would be rude to him/her. This comment of her made me think about how from the very beginning, we link certain specific attributes to certain people and thereby our reactions and impressions are based accordingly thereby making us prejudiced or biased. And that is where our impressions and perceptions about people starts building up!

Irony in Values

During the two years of training in social work, we are taught the principles of social work where where the first and foremost principle is being non-judgmental.

Today was talking to a person about an organisation she wanted to apply to but wasn't so sure if she should apply or not and it was a little difficult for her to take the final decision. Just to help her in the decision making, I simply asked her the question regarding what is troubling her the most in regard to applying or not. The answer was "frankly speaking it is the fear of being judged by the people here". There have been instances in past when one's classmate had stopped talking based on the decision other person took for himself/herself during the placement season. The girl here added that after the placement season we still have few months here so what if people get to know that I had applied to this particular organisation, what will their reaction be.

Her this reply made me think, what principles and values do we apply as social workers. Is it that the values we learn during classes to be applied only on field or just applied when it is convenient for us. We might be very accepting and non-judgmental in our field while interacting with the client or might talk about ethics of social work while questioning another colleague. But then what about applying the same principle in our personal lives. Being non-judgmental and accepting people as they are or accepting their decision. We are told, as a social worker our role is not to take decision on other person's behalf but it is to help a person take an informed decision and whatever decision one takes, we should not question the person because the decision the person takes is after a lot of thinking process and analyzing all the dimensions related to it.

The question which arises in my mind at the moment is How can one person keep the professional and personal values so separate that the values might be on extremes. Won't it be an irony or a hypocrisy that a person who on field is completely non judgmental and accepts the people as they are but whereas when it comes to accepting one's colleagues and friends, becomes so judgmental that others around develop a fear of being judged and therefore do not even feel safe to take up a decision regarding one own self...

Somethings for me to do this year...

Each year as the new year comes and the previous one fades, we all tend to introspect and see if we did follow the resolutions we made last year at the same time. And as its time again for the new year, a new beginning, I am here again thinking through the year gone by... there has been loads of happy as well as not so happy moments during the year 2011. But then I have no regrets now..though throughout the year I used to be bothered by the not so happy moments, but on introspection I realise that these are the moments which taught me a lot about life in general as well as about myself- my strengths as well as weaknesses and I emerge as a more stronger person to take on life. The year made me realise the importance of the people who are a part of my life...met some really good people during this year who inspired me, loved me and cared for me. I grew as a person and as an individual. One compliment which came through a friend really made my year- “You are a strong and independent woman which I wish to be”. This is one thing which I always wanted to be and here I am..a strong and independent girl!

There are few things I would want to continue or start during this new year. Won’t say that these are my new year resolutions but will be thing which I will make sure I do this year for sure.

1. There were times when I used to write. Did start my blog too but over time the blog was neglected and I stopped writing. This year will surely take out time and pen my thoughts and maybe write some nice poems too.
2. It s been a year now that I was gifted a guitar by my sister because I always wanted to learn and play guitar but despite being an owner of the guitar, I still did not take out time and learn how to play. Hence, this year I promise myself to learn and practice playing every day.
3. This year I got back to playing basketball but one game I still haven’t gone back to playing again is badminton. So this year, I will make an effort to get back to the game.
4. Read at least few pages of a book every day before I go to bed.
5. Regulate my sleep timings and thus, sleep and wake up on time unlike the pattern I have been following over the last one month.
6. Learn to handle a DSLR and hopefully click some nice pictures.
7. Take care of my health and eat on time and not to skip meals come what may.
8. Be more confident and find some clarity in life. Though it is said that confusion is the best state of mind as it makes you think but need a little bit clarity in life.
9. Get back to following what I learnt in my Art of Living course and meditate or do the Sudarshan Kriya every day. And also eventually go for the advance course of Art of Living.
10. Make sure that I do all the above for sure this year and have fun this year!
Cheers!!

Connecting the dots!!

Today I can say that I am proud of myself. There was a time few months back when I was on the verge of quitting everything because of series of events and the people around. But today as I look back and think, I feel happy that I did not go ahead with the decision to quit the Institution I came to due to my hard work. Despite the various lows I saw during the last few months, I emerged a winner today. Few days back I got my grade card for the last semester and I am proud to say that I proved myself, despite the isolation, hospitalization, and a lot more issues, I got a real high grade and I am among the top few in the class. People do come to me and ask me the reason for me seeming really happy and smiling all time and I am glad that somewhere I am back to the person I was. These are the people who used to have fun on my expense, people who on the face will be very sweet and concerned and as you move away, would mock at your situation!
Last semester I was on the verge of a breakdown but there were few who were always on my side and I would want to thank them for it. My parents who pre-poned their trip and came visiting me and stayed with me for sometime, though the regret would be that I could not spend much time with ma pa because of the pending assignments I had after the hospitalization. The love and affection and the support parents provide, one can never get that kind of unconditional love from anyone else except them. Love you ma and pa and not to forget my sisters.
Despite going to the counselling centre for advice and counselling, it didn't help. I guess that is the side-effect of one being from the psychology field as you know the techniques the counselor is using. There is one teacher whose lines really helped me. She being my field work supervisor was even more concerned about me as currently I am placed at Thane Mental Hospital, which is a difficult setting to work in. She provided me with the time and space I required for crisis management, she, during my I.Cs gave me the space to talk about the situation I was going through and the things which she said really helped me through and those words will always stay with me.
Today, a month into the fourth semester and I am back on track with a hold on my life. I've started doing the things I love to do. Started teaching kids again and today participated in a poster making and collage making competition and won the second prize. I am glad that my confidence is back!
Life Sahi hai! Tension Nahi hai!
As I was thinking about the events today, the quote on my wall seemed so appropriate and I can say that the dots really do connect in the future and now I see the reason behind all the events!
" You can't Connect the dots looking forward:
You can only connect them looking backward
So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future" - Steve Jobs

Learning from people's experiences

The events and experiences over the last few days have changed a lot in me. And the change is Positive. I am glad to be a part of the institution, TISS and the opportunity I was provided as a part of the Transforming M-Ward project. One week, the entire academic classes were suspended and the entire college including the students and the faculty was involved into the household survey in the M-ward area. There was a team of around 20 students along with faculty members was formed which conducted the homeless survey which went out on the streets of M-ward locating the homeless and later talking to them. I, being a part of the team learnt a lot about my own self and the challenges within the field. The entire experience changed the way I used to think about my future in terms of work scene. Right now, I am at that stage in life where in few months would start working, but then I am still unsure what will I be best at and how can I include my educational training into the sector I get into.
While one night we were out to interview a group of people, the narration from a lady just hit me so much that I just could not control my emotions. After the interview, as I walked away, I had tears in my eyes and I just could not figure out the reason for it. Despite the fact that I am aware of the reality, but the first hand experiences of people just shook me completely. The entire night I could not sleep but just think about the 163 families whose houses were demolished just 2 weeks back and the women were beaten up by the police. A sense of helplessness took over me and I started to question my own self and how I could bring about a change in peoples lives.
Somewhere this entire incident moved me so much that the way now I understand certain things and expect things to be has changed.At this point of time, I just have hope.., hope to make a change, be it a small little difference in peoples lives. And I hope that I do justice to the field and the issue I would work with! Also I would want the entire narration by the people to stay with me forever which would motivate me to work in the right direction without being influenced by the other factors working around!

Inspirations

Sometimes one just need a person to inspire you when you are just too confused and unsure about your life and about your own self and your own capabilities.
Few months back, as a part of the Career Guidance and Placement Cell at TISS, got to interact with Vishal Talreja, the co-founder and executive director of Dream a Dream. The entire interaction with him was about how he started up the work and how he believed in himself and working for the cause he felt for the most! The entire interaction came at a point when I was just figuring out about my decision to take up a particular concentration at TISS and also each day I used to ask about why am I doing my masters in social work and is it necessary to have a degree to get into the social work sector and also will I be able to do a justice to the field. The interaction left most of my classmates questioning a lot more but this time we had a role model and a person who proved that though its not so easy to take a stand and follow your passion as there would be people not supporting you but then doing this is not impossible. If you follow your passion, you would do justice to yourself and your passion too! If you believe in something, you can make it happen!

Over time, due to the academic pressure the passion kind of faded away or maybe hid in some corner and once or twice when I had time away from assignments, presentations, reports, classes, exams, the thoughts regarding my passion did strike me but not for long.

And after months of Vishal's visit, I met someone. An ex-tissian, named Tarique, working in the field, working for his passion and the issue he really feels for- homelessness and the abolition of beggary act. A person who started up Koshish, which is a field action project of TISS. I met him while I was a part of the homeless survey in the M-Ward. Each night we used to go out, first for community mapping and later for the survey of the homeless. During the survey I was teamed up with him. I am glad that I had the opportunity to meet him and talk to him. The feedback and the discussions with him really brought back the self confidence within me and made me re-think about my passion, and the work I want to do. During the night survey, while walking, used to talk about how he started koshish and he answered a lot of doubts I had about starting up your own work. I have been afraid of taking up an initiative due to the fear of failure, but the discussions with Tarique made me realize that one needs to overcome these fears and work for own passion. And our fears and our emotions would only take us back into our shell and into our comfort zone which might be helpful for our own self but would not benefit the people we would want to work for. He has been working since last 5 years and within these 5 years he has made a huge difference in a lot of peoples lives and he always believed in himself despite there being moments which emotionally hit you.
The 5 days while working with him had been a great learning for my own self with a lot of moments of self-discovery. Over time, due to certain incidents I had lost the confidence in myself but, after my each interaction with a homeless person, the feedback I received from Tarique really brought back the self confidence. There wasn't even a single day when he failed to inspire me.
Hope I keep up this inspiration and passion alive within me throughout and live my life with passion in whatever I do!