Existential Crisis of my life

Over past few days i’ve been in quite an introspective
mood..... I often have phases in which i go through a lot of existential crisis.... Somewhere i believe that its mainly because of my subject of study being psychology....but when i look around, i feel that existentialism is the basic foundation of our society, our beliefs, our culture, dogmas, rituals.....and i feel that the crisis regarding our existence, our purpose, our goals in life are which everyone go through in their life.

At present i am going through a lot of emotional turmoil, too nervous to face the future and the baggage it brings along with itself.... been wondering what exactly is the role that i have been assigned before coming into existence... What exactly i am here for, what is the purpose of my life,what exactly is my goal, and Am i on the right path.... There are lot many questions like these which i am seeking answers for...and dont even know if they will ever be answered....

Over past few days, i’ve confined myself within the four corners of my room, mainly due to the fact that very important entrances are round the corner....these would help me choose a career for myself to which i am supposed to stick to for the rest of my life....

Sometimes I really ask myself that why do we need to grow up? Why cant we stay the way we were in our childhood? Why do we have to act mature and not show our emotional side to the world and always put up a brave face and be what others want us to be? If that is the case, isn’t our individuality lost!!!! But, before that an important question which makes me think- Does an "individual" really exist..???? Right from the time a child is born, he/she is trained according to the rules and regulations of his/her own household...there is not much of freedom which the child gets, to explore and understand the world through his/her eyes...the child’s likes and dislikes are heavily influenced by the family, in most cases it seems the exact replica of the parent’s or the elder sibling’s choices..... So, is there anything called an individual’s choice?

So, coming back to my own life...if ‘I’ as an individual really exist, Should my purpose and goals be defined by taking into consideration my own self, or should they be defined according to the desire of the people around me and the society... but the answer to this question would really get me into a huge turmoil...if i am asked to do anything i want to do in my life, then my side of story would be that i actually dont know what i want to do...as throughout my 22years of existence, i have been spoon-fed and never actually had to take a decision regarding myself or for that matter anything else....

But, currently I am standing at a point in life where i need to be mature and responsible enough to take the decision regarding something which will always stay with me forever and this time no one is there to take that decision for me....

Writing Credits : Swati Sharma

Editing Credits : Amit Pande