The unexpected declaration of love.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:

If a guy punches you, he likes you.

Never try to trim your own bangs.

And someday you will meet a wonderful guy

and get your very own happy ending.

and your commitment to each other.

Every movie we see,

every story we're told...

...implores us to wait for it.

But sometimes we're so focused

on finding our happy ending...

...we don't learn how to read the signs.

How to tell the ones who want us

from the ones who don't.

The ones who will stay

from the ones who will leave. 

And maybe this happy ending

doesn't include a wonderful guy.

Maybe it's you...

...on your own...

...picking up the pieces and starting over.

Freeing yourself up

for something better in the future.

Maybe the happy ending is just...

...moving on.

- He's Just Not Into You

Books and prejudices

Something today happened which made me realize how certain books from the very beginning try and influence our thinking. Right from the very start, the people around us try and impose their thinking and experiences onto us and so does the books. I used to think that the books are usually neutral but, today while reading a fairy tale story to a kid, I realized how our opinions about things and people are shaped from the very beginning. How fairies and princess are always very pretty and beautiful and how step-mothers are always very cruel. Over the last few days, I have been reading different fairy stories to a 5 year old little girl. Whenever she looks at the pictures of a fairy or the princess in the story book, she is always fascinated with the looks and never fails to comment on the good looks of these characters in the picture. Today while I was reading to her and as I mentioned a step-mother, she immediately said that the step mother must be very cruel and would not treat her step-child nicely and would be rude to him/her. This comment of her made me think about how from the very beginning, we link certain specific attributes to certain people and thereby our reactions and impressions are based accordingly thereby making us prejudiced or biased. And that is where our impressions and perceptions about people starts building up!

Irony in Values

During the two years of training in social work, we are taught the principles of social work where where the first and foremost principle is being non-judgmental.

Today was talking to a person about an organisation she wanted to apply to but wasn't so sure if she should apply or not and it was a little difficult for her to take the final decision. Just to help her in the decision making, I simply asked her the question regarding what is troubling her the most in regard to applying or not. The answer was "frankly speaking it is the fear of being judged by the people here". There have been instances in past when one's classmate had stopped talking based on the decision other person took for himself/herself during the placement season. The girl here added that after the placement season we still have few months here so what if people get to know that I had applied to this particular organisation, what will their reaction be.

Her this reply made me think, what principles and values do we apply as social workers. Is it that the values we learn during classes to be applied only on field or just applied when it is convenient for us. We might be very accepting and non-judgmental in our field while interacting with the client or might talk about ethics of social work while questioning another colleague. But then what about applying the same principle in our personal lives. Being non-judgmental and accepting people as they are or accepting their decision. We are told, as a social worker our role is not to take decision on other person's behalf but it is to help a person take an informed decision and whatever decision one takes, we should not question the person because the decision the person takes is after a lot of thinking process and analyzing all the dimensions related to it.

The question which arises in my mind at the moment is How can one person keep the professional and personal values so separate that the values might be on extremes. Won't it be an irony or a hypocrisy that a person who on field is completely non judgmental and accepts the people as they are but whereas when it comes to accepting one's colleagues and friends, becomes so judgmental that others around develop a fear of being judged and therefore do not even feel safe to take up a decision regarding one own self...

Somethings for me to do this year...

Each year as the new year comes and the previous one fades, we all tend to introspect and see if we did follow the resolutions we made last year at the same time. And as its time again for the new year, a new beginning, I am here again thinking through the year gone by... there has been loads of happy as well as not so happy moments during the year 2011. But then I have no regrets now..though throughout the year I used to be bothered by the not so happy moments, but on introspection I realise that these are the moments which taught me a lot about life in general as well as about myself- my strengths as well as weaknesses and I emerge as a more stronger person to take on life. The year made me realise the importance of the people who are a part of my life...met some really good people during this year who inspired me, loved me and cared for me. I grew as a person and as an individual. One compliment which came through a friend really made my year- “You are a strong and independent woman which I wish to be”. This is one thing which I always wanted to be and here I am..a strong and independent girl!

There are few things I would want to continue or start during this new year. Won’t say that these are my new year resolutions but will be thing which I will make sure I do this year for sure.

1. There were times when I used to write. Did start my blog too but over time the blog was neglected and I stopped writing. This year will surely take out time and pen my thoughts and maybe write some nice poems too.
2. It s been a year now that I was gifted a guitar by my sister because I always wanted to learn and play guitar but despite being an owner of the guitar, I still did not take out time and learn how to play. Hence, this year I promise myself to learn and practice playing every day.
3. This year I got back to playing basketball but one game I still haven’t gone back to playing again is badminton. So this year, I will make an effort to get back to the game.
4. Read at least few pages of a book every day before I go to bed.
5. Regulate my sleep timings and thus, sleep and wake up on time unlike the pattern I have been following over the last one month.
6. Learn to handle a DSLR and hopefully click some nice pictures.
7. Take care of my health and eat on time and not to skip meals come what may.
8. Be more confident and find some clarity in life. Though it is said that confusion is the best state of mind as it makes you think but need a little bit clarity in life.
9. Get back to following what I learnt in my Art of Living course and meditate or do the Sudarshan Kriya every day. And also eventually go for the advance course of Art of Living.
10. Make sure that I do all the above for sure this year and have fun this year!
Cheers!!

Connecting the dots!!

Today I can say that I am proud of myself. There was a time few months back when I was on the verge of quitting everything because of series of events and the people around. But today as I look back and think, I feel happy that I did not go ahead with the decision to quit the Institution I came to due to my hard work. Despite the various lows I saw during the last few months, I emerged a winner today. Few days back I got my grade card for the last semester and I am proud to say that I proved myself, despite the isolation, hospitalization, and a lot more issues, I got a real high grade and I am among the top few in the class. People do come to me and ask me the reason for me seeming really happy and smiling all time and I am glad that somewhere I am back to the person I was. These are the people who used to have fun on my expense, people who on the face will be very sweet and concerned and as you move away, would mock at your situation!
Last semester I was on the verge of a breakdown but there were few who were always on my side and I would want to thank them for it. My parents who pre-poned their trip and came visiting me and stayed with me for sometime, though the regret would be that I could not spend much time with ma pa because of the pending assignments I had after the hospitalization. The love and affection and the support parents provide, one can never get that kind of unconditional love from anyone else except them. Love you ma and pa and not to forget my sisters.
Despite going to the counselling centre for advice and counselling, it didn't help. I guess that is the side-effect of one being from the psychology field as you know the techniques the counselor is using. There is one teacher whose lines really helped me. She being my field work supervisor was even more concerned about me as currently I am placed at Thane Mental Hospital, which is a difficult setting to work in. She provided me with the time and space I required for crisis management, she, during my I.Cs gave me the space to talk about the situation I was going through and the things which she said really helped me through and those words will always stay with me.
Today, a month into the fourth semester and I am back on track with a hold on my life. I've started doing the things I love to do. Started teaching kids again and today participated in a poster making and collage making competition and won the second prize. I am glad that my confidence is back!
Life Sahi hai! Tension Nahi hai!
As I was thinking about the events today, the quote on my wall seemed so appropriate and I can say that the dots really do connect in the future and now I see the reason behind all the events!
" You can't Connect the dots looking forward:
You can only connect them looking backward
So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future" - Steve Jobs

Learning from people's experiences

The events and experiences over the last few days have changed a lot in me. And the change is Positive. I am glad to be a part of the institution, TISS and the opportunity I was provided as a part of the Transforming M-Ward project. One week, the entire academic classes were suspended and the entire college including the students and the faculty was involved into the household survey in the M-ward area. There was a team of around 20 students along with faculty members was formed which conducted the homeless survey which went out on the streets of M-ward locating the homeless and later talking to them. I, being a part of the team learnt a lot about my own self and the challenges within the field. The entire experience changed the way I used to think about my future in terms of work scene. Right now, I am at that stage in life where in few months would start working, but then I am still unsure what will I be best at and how can I include my educational training into the sector I get into.
While one night we were out to interview a group of people, the narration from a lady just hit me so much that I just could not control my emotions. After the interview, as I walked away, I had tears in my eyes and I just could not figure out the reason for it. Despite the fact that I am aware of the reality, but the first hand experiences of people just shook me completely. The entire night I could not sleep but just think about the 163 families whose houses were demolished just 2 weeks back and the women were beaten up by the police. A sense of helplessness took over me and I started to question my own self and how I could bring about a change in peoples lives.
Somewhere this entire incident moved me so much that the way now I understand certain things and expect things to be has changed.At this point of time, I just have hope.., hope to make a change, be it a small little difference in peoples lives. And I hope that I do justice to the field and the issue I would work with! Also I would want the entire narration by the people to stay with me forever which would motivate me to work in the right direction without being influenced by the other factors working around!

Inspirations

Sometimes one just need a person to inspire you when you are just too confused and unsure about your life and about your own self and your own capabilities.
Few months back, as a part of the Career Guidance and Placement Cell at TISS, got to interact with Vishal Talreja, the co-founder and executive director of Dream a Dream. The entire interaction with him was about how he started up the work and how he believed in himself and working for the cause he felt for the most! The entire interaction came at a point when I was just figuring out about my decision to take up a particular concentration at TISS and also each day I used to ask about why am I doing my masters in social work and is it necessary to have a degree to get into the social work sector and also will I be able to do a justice to the field. The interaction left most of my classmates questioning a lot more but this time we had a role model and a person who proved that though its not so easy to take a stand and follow your passion as there would be people not supporting you but then doing this is not impossible. If you follow your passion, you would do justice to yourself and your passion too! If you believe in something, you can make it happen!

Over time, due to the academic pressure the passion kind of faded away or maybe hid in some corner and once or twice when I had time away from assignments, presentations, reports, classes, exams, the thoughts regarding my passion did strike me but not for long.

And after months of Vishal's visit, I met someone. An ex-tissian, named Tarique, working in the field, working for his passion and the issue he really feels for- homelessness and the abolition of beggary act. A person who started up Koshish, which is a field action project of TISS. I met him while I was a part of the homeless survey in the M-Ward. Each night we used to go out, first for community mapping and later for the survey of the homeless. During the survey I was teamed up with him. I am glad that I had the opportunity to meet him and talk to him. The feedback and the discussions with him really brought back the self confidence within me and made me re-think about my passion, and the work I want to do. During the night survey, while walking, used to talk about how he started koshish and he answered a lot of doubts I had about starting up your own work. I have been afraid of taking up an initiative due to the fear of failure, but the discussions with Tarique made me realize that one needs to overcome these fears and work for own passion. And our fears and our emotions would only take us back into our shell and into our comfort zone which might be helpful for our own self but would not benefit the people we would want to work for. He has been working since last 5 years and within these 5 years he has made a huge difference in a lot of peoples lives and he always believed in himself despite there being moments which emotionally hit you.
The 5 days while working with him had been a great learning for my own self with a lot of moments of self-discovery. Over time, due to certain incidents I had lost the confidence in myself but, after my each interaction with a homeless person, the feedback I received from Tarique really brought back the self confidence. There wasn't even a single day when he failed to inspire me.
Hope I keep up this inspiration and passion alive within me throughout and live my life with passion in whatever I do!

You know you are from TISS when...

 You have series of fresher’s welcome after 2 months the new batch has joined
 You sleep during the F.C classes at the convention centre and rush quickly to the tapri to grab a cup of tea and a plate of hot Maggie
 You plan to go off to marine drive after submission of an assignment to chill after a lot of hard work you have put in by copying and pasting
 You get a polite scream from the professor teaching in the next class for making noise in the hallway
 You make random conversation with a person in the canteen and very next moment start discussing ideologies
 You wonder why there are no good guys to date
 You sit anywhere and everywhere
 You know about the sutta corner right next to the canteen
 You get out of the campus just to have anna’s chai
 You wonder why one has to pay such a huge amount to book our own convention centre
 You hide from your research guide or fieldwork supervisor if you haven’t finished your reports
 You crib about the dining hall food but whenever the dining hall is closed and you have to go out to eat, you miss the DH the most
 You say hey to at least 20 people whose names you don’t know
 You always crib about Mumbai rains on your field work days
 You have an opinion on everything going in the world and keep on the discussions live based on clashing ideologies
 You see half of the facebook updates related to some or the other social issues
 You crib about your course being so hectic and you not having a social life beyond TISS
 You have a common room which is actually a classroom for teaching
 You have all your group meetings in the quadrangle where you sit day in and day out
 You go to the cyber library during summer time just to sit in the a.c and facebook
 You just find a reason to be dressed in a traditional attire
 You celebrate each and every festival on campus
 You eagerly wait for the hostel night just to have inter-hostel mobility
 You secretly have a crush on someone and when that person comes in front of you, you pretend as if you don’t know the person
 You don’t miss even a single opportunity to get yourself clicked
 You have a GBM for each and every issue you want to raise
 You show that you are least concerned about placements but you do get worked up as the placement week approaches
 You have a stress buster party followed by a DJ night right before exams
 You are referred to Joy hospital for hospitalisation each time you go to the doctors on campus
 You question the college’s policy of giving hostel accommodation to the second year students and not to the first years
 You wonder how did the semesters passed so quickly and then feel nostalgic
 You imitate your teachers over a cup of tea or just randomly
 You everyday plan to go to the gym or go for yoga but end up not going
 You get up exactly 10 min before the 9 a.m class and rush to the class with breakfast in your hand
 You plan to explore Mumbai the next semester as the present semester is quite hectic but end up finding the next semester even more hectic
 No matter how much you might hate it, but deep down you know that this is the place which you’re going to miss a lot...all the insane fun moments, all the night walks on campus, all the fights with friends, discussions in class, discussions outside class, and all the awesome time you’ve had.

Wish-list for my b'day..!!

As the countdown begins for my b’day, just to help out family and friends to buy me b’day presents, decided to write about my wish-list. So here is a quick, short and sweet and a realistic list out of which one can just pick up anything and make me feel special.

1) Each year, on my wish-list, a huge teddy used to be on the top...things haven’t changed much today and are pretty much the same. Would love to get a life size soft toy for myself!
2) Next in line would be a bag full of stationary. People who know me, knows my love for all the different kinds of stationary, be it colourful pens, sheets, colours, notepads, etc!
3) It is been ages since anyone wrote a letter to me. Write a long detailed letter to me, one can send an e-mail if that is more convenient! Add a b'day card along with the letter!
4) A nice book to read, be it fiction, non-fiction or a collection of poetry or quotes!
5) A collage of my pictures with family and friends!
6) A nice pretty dress for me would make a good present as have been thinking to re-do my wardrobe.
7) Jewellery- earrings, pendants, ring, anklet or bangles...any form of jewellery would do! (love junk jewellery)
8) For my artist friends, paint or sketch a picture of me and it would work as a nice surprise!
9) Take me out every day during my b’day week for desserts. I don’t mind taking in extra calories!
10) For my family, you know that I love my N-95, but it has become old and has started slipping into coma, so gift me a new phone! A blackberry would do or maybe a new N-95 coz I love the phone!
11) Write a song for me!
12) Take me out somewhere, has been a long time since I’ve been out of the college campus!
13) Plan a trip and surprise me!
14) Make a photo story on me! (P.s- I love to get clicked!)
15) Box full of chocolates!
16) Tell me that you Love me!
P.s- Would add as and when I come across something realistic to be gifted! Till then, Happy planning for my birthday and decide quickly what you want to gift me! :P

Looking for certain answers in life...trying to find what do i want in my life...Is there something I am trying to avoid or its that something that I am trying to hide...Will these remain another set of my unanswered questions like so many others...or even if I get my answers would I want to accept the answer or will I try and change in accordance to my thoughts and feelings...but then another question arises...am I actually looking for an answer or would I want to be ignorant and just pretend as if everything is fine...n another question which comes to my mind right now is why am I writing this...there are too many questions arising in my mind at this point of time but dont know will the answers to these when will I find..!!

He

It was dusk time
Sun had already set
moonlight was dim
& not much could be seen

Walking without knowing where I was heading to,
Thinking endlessly about my own life
Trying to find answers to the unanswered questions

I felt lost
Didn't know where the journey would lead me
Where will this path take me...

Suddenly there came a person out of nowhere
He asked me if he could walk along with me
A steam of thoughts crossed my mind
But then, I thought, why not give myself another chance....

There were apprehensions
But then I had no expectations
There were doubts
which wanted to let out...

We walked together
But in silence
Being careful before taking each step and moving ahead
As i did not wanted to get hurt and lose myself into this darkness again

Due to this silence, I wondered if he does really exist or not
But when I looked at him, he was protecting me like a shield

Doubts did arise in my mind
But this time, answers I could find...

We kept on walking,
But slowly I realised, his traces had started disappearing.....

TISS vs SCHOOL

After such a long wait, finally TISS results were out yesterday.... I got through both the courses I had applied to...but still dont know why i am not feeling too happy about the result.

There is a lot of confusion in my mind regarding what to do...its not about choosing between the courses, but it is the confusion regarding my career...what exactly i want to do in my life. Do i want to be a special educator or do i want to explore more about my career options..?? Do i want to be just restricted to one field and grow within that field itself, or do i want to be a jack of all traits...

There is such a huge turmoil going inside my head regarding this issue.... also there are other smaller issues bothering me...regarding change...change in terms of shifting to a completely new city, staying alone, looking for an accomodation,, change in terms of going back to student life...

I do realise that TISS is a lifetime opportunity...which i would never get back, if i do not opt for it now, but then what will be the future prospects in terms of the field...I do not want to stand at the same intersection two years from now, where again i have to ask myself about what next.

Though after coming into the professional field, i always thought that i do need some more time before i start working...i still need to learn a lot, both in terms of subjective knowledge as well as well as i need to grow as a person, be more mature to handle decisions and take responsibilities.
But now that i come under the category of employed, i need to look at not only about myself, but also people around me..be it the school management, my department, my students and my family...and its getting too difficult for me to come to a final decision. At one hand i am getting an opportunity to get back to the student life, which i always wanted...and on the other hand, i have such a huge opportunity to have hands on experience in the field of special education and learn side by side.

I know that right now i have a win- win situation...and the choice i wud make wud be very close to the one i will leave..... I just hope whatever decison i take, I do not regret onto it later in my life.

HAPPY SISTERS WEEK..!!!

Since the time we were young little being,
we fought on every small little thing..

From sharing our clothes to sharing our room,
ordering the other to turn down T.V's volume..

Even though we do not agree on each others views,
But still we eagerly wait for any good news..

Even though we dont say 'Love You'
but the emotions we share are not so new

But still each of us know how much we care for the other,
And come what may will stand for each other...!!!

Its been quite an eventful day today... Had the parents teachers meeting in school, so had to wear a saree and go. All the other teachers in school had been after me as they wanted to see me in a saree. And me being the youngest teacher always tried my way out to escape the dress code...but finally had to give in to it today. There was also an award function today so had been involved in it too...so in all it was a hectic day at school.
Later in the evening, i attended the Art of Living Satsang after such a long time..had fun meetin people from my batch of yes plus course and meeting my teacher... I know i've been ignoring all the follow up sessions, but I had been managing two things side by side, so really did not get time to catch up and attend any of the meets or satsangs.
Finally I've decided to do the course once again from 6th to 11th april..and i am eagerly looking forward to it...
After coming back, i just logged into pagal guy forum, and realised that there is going to be a meet tomorrow..so just decided to attend the meet...and also catch up with some friends before the meet.
Its again going to be a long day tomorrow but, i am eagerly waiting for it...going to meet so many new people with loads of experiences...

"You have excellent communication skills"
This line coming from a stranger for me is the most wonderful compliment for me... I've worked so hard on my self in last two years..coming out of my shell and from being a complete introvert to becoming an extrovert and facing all the challenges life threw at me, all by myself.
Two years back, I used to be a girl who was never confident of herself, never had the courage to answer in class even after knowing the right answers, never expressed own viewpoint on any matters and just went ahead with whatever was planned by others.
But now things have changed, and I am loving the change in myself...I am more confident about self and do not hesitate to express myself, and this has been the biggest achievement for me.
Recently I met one of my college friend, and when we started talking about our lives after college, suddenly she came up and said " I never realized you could talk and express yourself so well and also now you talk just like a professional".
I guess this is the result of the endless struggles which I had to make in last two years and also to my field of work... I started becoming the voice of people who could not speak for themselves and as a result, i started speaking for my ownself too.
Though there is a lot I've learnt in last two years but still, there is a long way to go....

Mood Swings

Its been a day full of extreme emotions...and my gtalk status message kept on changing after every 2 hrs.
I just came back yesterday night from Mumbai. Was extemely exhausted after a hectic schedule, and i barely slept for 4 hrs last night. But still had be back at school today (started working as a special educator), so got up early and reached school after a 5 day gap and everything seemed so strange...no friendly vibes from any of the staff members, everyone seemed busy with their own work. So it was a bit disappointing start.
I also had my convocation today. But didnt feel like taking a leave as I already had taken a 5 day off, so I decided to take a half day so that i could catch up with my friends and collect my degree after school. So there was atleast something to look forward to and be happy about as I was about to meet my friends after such a long time.
But then it changed to being super sad as I was just sitting in my room n doing nothing productive.
Finally few kids while going past my room came in and asked me why dont I come to their class and said that they really miss my classes as we have loads of fun, So there was a sense of satisfaction to know that kids love to have me around and thats wat matters the most.
Finally after having my lunch, i decided to go and take permission to leave along with the kids( they go back home around 11.40) but had to wait as there was a meeting going on and finally by the time meeting ended, buses had left. So came back to my room...
Missed my convocation, Missed meeting my friends and wasnt too happy to be sitting in the room doint nothing....now my gtalk status read "swati is super sad"
Finally after a long day at school came back home.
In the evening was feeling a bit irritated, didnt feel like doing anything...Because of my own mood swings, since the morning, did not realise that one of my friend was upset n so wasnt my usual self while talking to him. When he said bye n gudnite quite abruptly, then thought about my ownself...Why was I reacting in such a way? Why wasnt I the usual bindaas swati which my friends know?
While I was still into my introspective mode, my friend again pinged me...and finally a good news... He got a call from one of the best B-school... So finally the day ended on a good note and my status being..." Swati is super happy..!!"
hah... What a day.... full of mood swings n dat to extreme emotions....

Back to school

Ever since I've grown up, I wished to return back to school and re-live my childhood and enjoy the fun days.
During my schooling years, I wasn't the brightest ones in class and the major stress factor for me was to perform better and better with each passing year, and due to this aim/ goal/ attitude or ambition of mine, I forgot to enjoy and have fun! I just have very few memories of good times at school. Hence, like every grown up person, I always longed to get back to school and this time have fun without being too ambitious about academics.
...and now I am back to school., but this time I am on the other side of the table.. I returned as a teacher- a special educator (though I call myself as an educational counselor). Everyday I get 2-3 classes to interact with and what I've observed is that students don't actually have a forum to talk about themselves and their feelings, emotions and thoughts.., they are not able to talk to their parents as they think parents will get upset and hence, thinking about the consequences they will face, they tend to take a step backwards instead of moving forward. And on the other hand, they do not approach their teachers, thinking about how teachers would react.
So, finally I decided to introduce myself in an informal way and asked them to talk about their own self and their ambitions(which were mostly based on what their parents wanted them to become!)
While interacting with the kids, I realized how much eager they were to talk about self and how happy they were to express themselves. I always wished to give the opportunity to the my students which I never got and I was successful at it! I wanted to instill a sense of confidence in them which I lacked during my school days. More than anything, with this experience, I got a lot of satisfaction during the entire interaction of going back to school and bringing the change which I always wanted to bring about!

Reason to like a woman...

You can feel her Care in the form of a sister...

You can feel her Warmth in the form of a friend...

You can feel her Passion in the form of a beloved...

You can feel her Dedication in form of a wife...

You can feel her Divinity in form of a mother...

You can feel her Blessings in form of grandmother...


Yet she is so Tough too...

Her heart is so Tender...

So Naughty...

So Charming...

So Sharing...

So Melodious...


She is a WOMAN

She is LIFE...!!!

"Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

P.S- Finally Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend...
You have been the one for me....
Totally love the lyrics of this song.

Endless Wait

Waiting eagerly for the time when he would be back,
I spend my days & nights
thinking how would i meet him,
how will I greet him...
thinking that maybe things would be fine once he will be back

maybe its just the distance between the two
maybe we would be back again....
thinking "and they lived happily ever after" does exists in real life too
& in the script of my life, finally one day we will be united forever....

Even though its been a year now since he left me, I did not realize for such a long time that he might have moved on and he does not think of me anymore. Maybe I was aware all this much before, but never had the gutts to accept it all.
But a month back I just realized that I've lost him forever...and he's never going to come back to me.... so after so much persuasion from my friends I finally decided that I am going to get back to what I used to be and move on and enjoy my life....and to some extent I was quite successful in doing so...
But when I got to know that he was about to come back, I had started getting restless, and the frequency of my mood swings increased. But my friends always supported me, they were always there for me.
The day arises when he was supposed to be in town, I started thinking about him, if i should go and say a hi to him or should I give him a call or how would I react if he came infront of me. I had no answers to these questions.
As days passed by, every day I used to wait for his call, I tried to look around for him.
It was already the sixth day since he was in town and still no contact. Everyday I started getting even more irritated, wondering if he does even know that I still stay here.
Finally after waiting for such a long time, which seemed like an endless wait to me, I saw him going out with his friend.
We barely saw each other for a minute. Within that single moment, I went through extreme emotions. At first I went totally blank, just could not think about any thing and at the very next moment, all d memories, and the moments we spend together, came flashing back. My heart did skip a beat on seeing him again after such a long time. But i did not want to make it so obvious to him, so I turned my face away.
During that minute, our eyes did meet, but both of us were numb, had no emotions to express (maybe we did have, but never wanted the other to know).
Had things really changed?? or the feelings are still there but we are just supressing it and trying not show it to the other??
Cant really answer this question as I myself am not sure of the situation and the feelings..
The whole day I kept waiting for his call but he never called up....
Questions kept on arising in my mind... Should I forget him? or Should I try for one last time? But before taking the final decision, I had a lot more questions regarding my feelings towards him which needs to be anwered first....

P.S - All Characters are Fictional and Have no Basis in Reality.