Connecting the dots!!

Today I can say that I am proud of myself. There was a time few months back when I was on the verge of quitting everything because of series of events and the people around. But today as I look back and think, I feel happy that I did not go ahead with the decision to quit the Institution I came to due to my hard work. Despite the various lows I saw during the last few months, I emerged a winner today. Few days back I got my grade card for the last semester and I am proud to say that I proved myself, despite the isolation, hospitalization, and a lot more issues, I got a real high grade and I am among the top few in the class. People do come to me and ask me the reason for me seeming really happy and smiling all time and I am glad that somewhere I am back to the person I was. These are the people who used to have fun on my expense, people who on the face will be very sweet and concerned and as you move away, would mock at your situation!
Last semester I was on the verge of a breakdown but there were few who were always on my side and I would want to thank them for it. My parents who pre-poned their trip and came visiting me and stayed with me for sometime, though the regret would be that I could not spend much time with ma pa because of the pending assignments I had after the hospitalization. The love and affection and the support parents provide, one can never get that kind of unconditional love from anyone else except them. Love you ma and pa and not to forget my sisters.
Despite going to the counselling centre for advice and counselling, it didn't help. I guess that is the side-effect of one being from the psychology field as you know the techniques the counselor is using. There is one teacher whose lines really helped me. She being my field work supervisor was even more concerned about me as currently I am placed at Thane Mental Hospital, which is a difficult setting to work in. She provided me with the time and space I required for crisis management, she, during my I.Cs gave me the space to talk about the situation I was going through and the things which she said really helped me through and those words will always stay with me.
Today, a month into the fourth semester and I am back on track with a hold on my life. I've started doing the things I love to do. Started teaching kids again and today participated in a poster making and collage making competition and won the second prize. I am glad that my confidence is back!
Life Sahi hai! Tension Nahi hai!
As I was thinking about the events today, the quote on my wall seemed so appropriate and I can say that the dots really do connect in the future and now I see the reason behind all the events!
" You can't Connect the dots looking forward:
You can only connect them looking backward
So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future" - Steve Jobs

Learning from people's experiences

The events and experiences over the last few days have changed a lot in me. And the change is Positive. I am glad to be a part of the institution, TISS and the opportunity I was provided as a part of the Transforming M-Ward project. One week, the entire academic classes were suspended and the entire college including the students and the faculty was involved into the household survey in the M-ward area. There was a team of around 20 students along with faculty members was formed which conducted the homeless survey which went out on the streets of M-ward locating the homeless and later talking to them. I, being a part of the team learnt a lot about my own self and the challenges within the field. The entire experience changed the way I used to think about my future in terms of work scene. Right now, I am at that stage in life where in few months would start working, but then I am still unsure what will I be best at and how can I include my educational training into the sector I get into.
While one night we were out to interview a group of people, the narration from a lady just hit me so much that I just could not control my emotions. After the interview, as I walked away, I had tears in my eyes and I just could not figure out the reason for it. Despite the fact that I am aware of the reality, but the first hand experiences of people just shook me completely. The entire night I could not sleep but just think about the 163 families whose houses were demolished just 2 weeks back and the women were beaten up by the police. A sense of helplessness took over me and I started to question my own self and how I could bring about a change in peoples lives.
Somewhere this entire incident moved me so much that the way now I understand certain things and expect things to be has changed.At this point of time, I just have hope.., hope to make a change, be it a small little difference in peoples lives. And I hope that I do justice to the field and the issue I would work with! Also I would want the entire narration by the people to stay with me forever which would motivate me to work in the right direction without being influenced by the other factors working around!

Inspirations

Sometimes one just need a person to inspire you when you are just too confused and unsure about your life and about your own self and your own capabilities.
Few months back, as a part of the Career Guidance and Placement Cell at TISS, got to interact with Vishal Talreja, the co-founder and executive director of Dream a Dream. The entire interaction with him was about how he started up the work and how he believed in himself and working for the cause he felt for the most! The entire interaction came at a point when I was just figuring out about my decision to take up a particular concentration at TISS and also each day I used to ask about why am I doing my masters in social work and is it necessary to have a degree to get into the social work sector and also will I be able to do a justice to the field. The interaction left most of my classmates questioning a lot more but this time we had a role model and a person who proved that though its not so easy to take a stand and follow your passion as there would be people not supporting you but then doing this is not impossible. If you follow your passion, you would do justice to yourself and your passion too! If you believe in something, you can make it happen!

Over time, due to the academic pressure the passion kind of faded away or maybe hid in some corner and once or twice when I had time away from assignments, presentations, reports, classes, exams, the thoughts regarding my passion did strike me but not for long.

And after months of Vishal's visit, I met someone. An ex-tissian, named Tarique, working in the field, working for his passion and the issue he really feels for- homelessness and the abolition of beggary act. A person who started up Koshish, which is a field action project of TISS. I met him while I was a part of the homeless survey in the M-Ward. Each night we used to go out, first for community mapping and later for the survey of the homeless. During the survey I was teamed up with him. I am glad that I had the opportunity to meet him and talk to him. The feedback and the discussions with him really brought back the self confidence within me and made me re-think about my passion, and the work I want to do. During the night survey, while walking, used to talk about how he started koshish and he answered a lot of doubts I had about starting up your own work. I have been afraid of taking up an initiative due to the fear of failure, but the discussions with Tarique made me realize that one needs to overcome these fears and work for own passion. And our fears and our emotions would only take us back into our shell and into our comfort zone which might be helpful for our own self but would not benefit the people we would want to work for. He has been working since last 5 years and within these 5 years he has made a huge difference in a lot of peoples lives and he always believed in himself despite there being moments which emotionally hit you.
The 5 days while working with him had been a great learning for my own self with a lot of moments of self-discovery. Over time, due to certain incidents I had lost the confidence in myself but, after my each interaction with a homeless person, the feedback I received from Tarique really brought back the self confidence. There wasn't even a single day when he failed to inspire me.
Hope I keep up this inspiration and passion alive within me throughout and live my life with passion in whatever I do!