Looking for certain answers in life...trying to find what do i want in my life...Is there something I am trying to avoid or its that something that I am trying to hide...Will these remain another set of my unanswered questions like so many others...or even if I get my answers would I want to accept the answer or will I try and change in accordance to my thoughts and feelings...but then another question arises...am I actually looking for an answer or would I want to be ignorant and just pretend as if everything is fine...n another question which comes to my mind right now is why am I writing this...there are too many questions arising in my mind at this point of time but dont know will the answers to these when will I find..!!

He

It was dusk time
Sun had already set
moonlight was dim
& not much could be seen

Walking without knowing where I was heading to,
Thinking endlessly about my own life
Trying to find answers to the unanswered questions

I felt lost
Didn't know where the journey would lead me
Where will this path take me...

Suddenly there came a person out of nowhere
He asked me if he could walk along with me
A steam of thoughts crossed my mind
But then, I thought, why not give myself another chance....

There were apprehensions
But then I had no expectations
There were doubts
which wanted to let out...

We walked together
But in silence
Being careful before taking each step and moving ahead
As i did not wanted to get hurt and lose myself into this darkness again

Due to this silence, I wondered if he does really exist or not
But when I looked at him, he was protecting me like a shield

Doubts did arise in my mind
But this time, answers I could find...

We kept on walking,
But slowly I realised, his traces had started disappearing.....

TISS vs SCHOOL

After such a long wait, finally TISS results were out yesterday.... I got through both the courses I had applied to...but still dont know why i am not feeling too happy about the result.

There is a lot of confusion in my mind regarding what to do...its not about choosing between the courses, but it is the confusion regarding my career...what exactly i want to do in my life. Do i want to be a special educator or do i want to explore more about my career options..?? Do i want to be just restricted to one field and grow within that field itself, or do i want to be a jack of all traits...

There is such a huge turmoil going inside my head regarding this issue.... also there are other smaller issues bothering me...regarding change...change in terms of shifting to a completely new city, staying alone, looking for an accomodation,, change in terms of going back to student life...

I do realise that TISS is a lifetime opportunity...which i would never get back, if i do not opt for it now, but then what will be the future prospects in terms of the field...I do not want to stand at the same intersection two years from now, where again i have to ask myself about what next.

Though after coming into the professional field, i always thought that i do need some more time before i start working...i still need to learn a lot, both in terms of subjective knowledge as well as well as i need to grow as a person, be more mature to handle decisions and take responsibilities.
But now that i come under the category of employed, i need to look at not only about myself, but also people around me..be it the school management, my department, my students and my family...and its getting too difficult for me to come to a final decision. At one hand i am getting an opportunity to get back to the student life, which i always wanted...and on the other hand, i have such a huge opportunity to have hands on experience in the field of special education and learn side by side.

I know that right now i have a win- win situation...and the choice i wud make wud be very close to the one i will leave..... I just hope whatever decison i take, I do not regret onto it later in my life.

HAPPY SISTERS WEEK..!!!

Since the time we were young little being,
we fought on every small little thing..

From sharing our clothes to sharing our room,
ordering the other to turn down T.V's volume..

Even though we do not agree on each others views,
But still we eagerly wait for any good news..

Even though we dont say 'Love You'
but the emotions we share are not so new

But still each of us know how much we care for the other,
And come what may will stand for each other...!!!

Its been quite an eventful day today... Had the parents teachers meeting in school, so had to wear a saree and go. All the other teachers in school had been after me as they wanted to see me in a saree. And me being the youngest teacher always tried my way out to escape the dress code...but finally had to give in to it today. There was also an award function today so had been involved in it too...so in all it was a hectic day at school.
Later in the evening, i attended the Art of Living Satsang after such a long time..had fun meetin people from my batch of yes plus course and meeting my teacher... I know i've been ignoring all the follow up sessions, but I had been managing two things side by side, so really did not get time to catch up and attend any of the meets or satsangs.
Finally I've decided to do the course once again from 6th to 11th april..and i am eagerly looking forward to it...
After coming back, i just logged into pagal guy forum, and realised that there is going to be a meet tomorrow..so just decided to attend the meet...and also catch up with some friends before the meet.
Its again going to be a long day tomorrow but, i am eagerly waiting for it...going to meet so many new people with loads of experiences...

"You have excellent communication skills"
This line coming from a stranger for me is the most wonderful compliment for me... I've worked so hard on my self in last two years..coming out of my shell and from being a complete introvert to becoming an extrovert and facing all the challenges life threw at me, all by myself.
Two years back, I used to be a girl who was never confident of herself, never had the courage to answer in class even after knowing the right answers, never expressed own viewpoint on any matters and just went ahead with whatever was planned by others.
But now things have changed, and I am loving the change in myself...I am more confident about self and do not hesitate to express myself, and this has been the biggest achievement for me.
Recently I met one of my college friend, and when we started talking about our lives after college, suddenly she came up and said " I never realized you could talk and express yourself so well and also now you talk just like a professional".
I guess this is the result of the endless struggles which I had to make in last two years and also to my field of work... I started becoming the voice of people who could not speak for themselves and as a result, i started speaking for my ownself too.
Though there is a lot I've learnt in last two years but still, there is a long way to go....

Mood Swings

Its been a day full of extreme emotions...and my gtalk status message kept on changing after every 2 hrs.
I just came back yesterday night from Mumbai. Was extemely exhausted after a hectic schedule, and i barely slept for 4 hrs last night. But still had be back at school today (started working as a special educator), so got up early and reached school after a 5 day gap and everything seemed so strange...no friendly vibes from any of the staff members, everyone seemed busy with their own work. So it was a bit disappointing start.
I also had my convocation today. But didnt feel like taking a leave as I already had taken a 5 day off, so I decided to take a half day so that i could catch up with my friends and collect my degree after school. So there was atleast something to look forward to and be happy about as I was about to meet my friends after such a long time.
But then it changed to being super sad as I was just sitting in my room n doing nothing productive.
Finally few kids while going past my room came in and asked me why dont I come to their class and said that they really miss my classes as we have loads of fun, So there was a sense of satisfaction to know that kids love to have me around and thats wat matters the most.
Finally after having my lunch, i decided to go and take permission to leave along with the kids( they go back home around 11.40) but had to wait as there was a meeting going on and finally by the time meeting ended, buses had left. So came back to my room...
Missed my convocation, Missed meeting my friends and wasnt too happy to be sitting in the room doint nothing....now my gtalk status read "swati is super sad"
Finally after a long day at school came back home.
In the evening was feeling a bit irritated, didnt feel like doing anything...Because of my own mood swings, since the morning, did not realise that one of my friend was upset n so wasnt my usual self while talking to him. When he said bye n gudnite quite abruptly, then thought about my ownself...Why was I reacting in such a way? Why wasnt I the usual bindaas swati which my friends know?
While I was still into my introspective mode, my friend again pinged me...and finally a good news... He got a call from one of the best B-school... So finally the day ended on a good note and my status being..." Swati is super happy..!!"
hah... What a day.... full of mood swings n dat to extreme emotions....

Back to school

Ever since I've grown up, I wished to return back to school and re-live my childhood and enjoy the fun days.
During my schooling years, I wasn't the brightest ones in class and the major stress factor for me was to perform better and better with each passing year, and due to this aim/ goal/ attitude or ambition of mine, I forgot to enjoy and have fun! I just have very few memories of good times at school. Hence, like every grown up person, I always longed to get back to school and this time have fun without being too ambitious about academics.
...and now I am back to school., but this time I am on the other side of the table.. I returned as a teacher- a special educator (though I call myself as an educational counselor). Everyday I get 2-3 classes to interact with and what I've observed is that students don't actually have a forum to talk about themselves and their feelings, emotions and thoughts.., they are not able to talk to their parents as they think parents will get upset and hence, thinking about the consequences they will face, they tend to take a step backwards instead of moving forward. And on the other hand, they do not approach their teachers, thinking about how teachers would react.
So, finally I decided to introduce myself in an informal way and asked them to talk about their own self and their ambitions(which were mostly based on what their parents wanted them to become!)
While interacting with the kids, I realized how much eager they were to talk about self and how happy they were to express themselves. I always wished to give the opportunity to the my students which I never got and I was successful at it! I wanted to instill a sense of confidence in them which I lacked during my school days. More than anything, with this experience, I got a lot of satisfaction during the entire interaction of going back to school and bringing the change which I always wanted to bring about!

Reason to like a woman...

You can feel her Care in the form of a sister...

You can feel her Warmth in the form of a friend...

You can feel her Passion in the form of a beloved...

You can feel her Dedication in form of a wife...

You can feel her Divinity in form of a mother...

You can feel her Blessings in form of grandmother...


Yet she is so Tough too...

Her heart is so Tender...

So Naughty...

So Charming...

So Sharing...

So Melodious...


She is a WOMAN

She is LIFE...!!!

"Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

P.S- Finally Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend...
You have been the one for me....
Totally love the lyrics of this song.

Endless Wait

Waiting eagerly for the time when he would be back,
I spend my days & nights
thinking how would i meet him,
how will I greet him...
thinking that maybe things would be fine once he will be back

maybe its just the distance between the two
maybe we would be back again....
thinking "and they lived happily ever after" does exists in real life too
& in the script of my life, finally one day we will be united forever....

Even though its been a year now since he left me, I did not realize for such a long time that he might have moved on and he does not think of me anymore. Maybe I was aware all this much before, but never had the gutts to accept it all.
But a month back I just realized that I've lost him forever...and he's never going to come back to me.... so after so much persuasion from my friends I finally decided that I am going to get back to what I used to be and move on and enjoy my life....and to some extent I was quite successful in doing so...
But when I got to know that he was about to come back, I had started getting restless, and the frequency of my mood swings increased. But my friends always supported me, they were always there for me.
The day arises when he was supposed to be in town, I started thinking about him, if i should go and say a hi to him or should I give him a call or how would I react if he came infront of me. I had no answers to these questions.
As days passed by, every day I used to wait for his call, I tried to look around for him.
It was already the sixth day since he was in town and still no contact. Everyday I started getting even more irritated, wondering if he does even know that I still stay here.
Finally after waiting for such a long time, which seemed like an endless wait to me, I saw him going out with his friend.
We barely saw each other for a minute. Within that single moment, I went through extreme emotions. At first I went totally blank, just could not think about any thing and at the very next moment, all d memories, and the moments we spend together, came flashing back. My heart did skip a beat on seeing him again after such a long time. But i did not want to make it so obvious to him, so I turned my face away.
During that minute, our eyes did meet, but both of us were numb, had no emotions to express (maybe we did have, but never wanted the other to know).
Had things really changed?? or the feelings are still there but we are just supressing it and trying not show it to the other??
Cant really answer this question as I myself am not sure of the situation and the feelings..
The whole day I kept waiting for his call but he never called up....
Questions kept on arising in my mind... Should I forget him? or Should I try for one last time? But before taking the final decision, I had a lot more questions regarding my feelings towards him which needs to be anwered first....

P.S - All Characters are Fictional and Have no Basis in Reality.

She Stands Alone!

She stands alone, both tall and true
The perfect picture of solitude
The soul of a woman creased in a bark,
with limbs that move in a majestic arc.

Alone she's faced the storms of life,
The wind and the rain, disease and strife,
Others gave up, but no, not she.
And there she stands for all to see,
She's had her share of troubles and woes
But she made it through and still she grows.

Like her I know a girl too,
She has faced the wind, and felt the rain,
and like her, even she stands tall,
Though life may beat her, she will not fall,
It may throw punches, she may take a blow,
But in the end she too shall grow.

Each storm she weathers increases her strength,
And beneath the skin, her soul's to be thanked,
The elm and her, they know what they do,
They count on themselves and make it through.

-- Kelly Cook

P.S- This post was written by one of my closest friend Prerna Garg for me when I was too low in life... Love you Prerna for being there with me during those tough times.. :)

99 things about me

1. Last beverage: Tea
2. Last phone call: Shikha di
3. Last instant message: Amit
4. Last song you listened to: Dont Stop Looking for Love
5. Last time you cried: 16th Feb
6. Last text message: UD

HAVE YOU EVER:
7. Dated someone twice: No
8. Been cheated on: No
9. Kissed someone & regretted it: Nope
10. Lost someone special: Yes :'(
11. Been depressed: Yeah...

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. PURPLE
13. BLACK
14. WHITE

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU:
15. Made a new friend: YES
16. Fallen out of love: No
17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah !!! :D
18. Met someone who changed your life: I guess so...atleast made a difference
19. Found out who your true friends were: All my frnds are my real gud frnds
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Hahahaha...yup :P
21. Did something for yourself : Yup... Did my Art of Living yes+ course
22. Bought something for yourself : Yes...had to shop for clothes for work
23. How many kids do you want to have: Two
24. Do you have any pets: No
25. Do you want to change your name: I just love the meaning of my name..!!! so a big NO
26. What did you do on your last birthday: Was with my family
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Intospecting about my life n thinking wat do i want to do in my life...
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Some kind of direction in my life
30. Last time you saw your father: 2 hrs back
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wud not like to change anything... :)
32. What are you listening to right now: Teardrops on my guitar- Taylor Swift
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No
35. Most visited webpage: Pagal guy, Gmail, Blogs, Facebook
36. What’s your real name: Swati Sharma
37. Nicknames: twatiii, swats, swatu
38. Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Libra
40. Male or female: Female
41. Elementary: Ryan International School
42. Middle School: Ryan International School
43. High school: Ryan International School
44. University: Jesus and Mary College, Delhi University
45. Hair color: Black
46. Long or short: Short
47. Are you a health freak: Not at all... :P
48. Height: 164 cm
49. Do you have a crush on someone: umm... :P
50: What do you like about yourself: Always Smiling come what may... :)
51. What don’t you like about yourself: Sometimes i act as a complete emotional fool
52. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :
53. First surgery: None
54. First piercing: Ears
55. First best friend: Akash
56. First award: Class 11th academic award
57. First sport you joined: Basketball
58. First pet: Never had any pet
59. First vacation: Darjeeling
60. First concert: Havnt been to any :(
61. First crush: SRK (Rahul of kuch kuch hota hai) :P

WHAT ARE YOU.....
62. Eating: Nothin
63. Drinking: Tea
64. I'm about to: Read up something
65. Hearing: Love Story- Taylor Swift
66. Waiting for: Certain things to work out
67. Want kids: Want to adopt 2 kids
69. Careers in mind: Special Educator, Psychologist, Entrepreneur
68. Want to get married: Not sure

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
70. Lips or eyes: Eyes
71. Hugs or kisses: HUG
72. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantically spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms
74. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
76. Trouble maker or hesitant: Trouble maker.
77. Lefty or Righty: Doesnt really matter
78. Shorter or taller: Taller
79 . Older or Younger: It actually doesnt matter

HAVE YOU EVER :
80. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope
81. Ran away from home: Never
82. Kissed a stranger: Noooooo
83. Drank Pepsi: Yup
84. Broken someones heart: I guess.... yes
85. Been arrested: NO.
86. Turned someone down: Yes
87. Cried when someone died: YES
88. Liked a guy friend?: Yes :P

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself: Yes !!
90. Miracles: Dont know
91. Love at first sight: Not sure
92. Heaven: Yes
93. Santa Claus: Yes :P
94. Kiss on the first date: Not sure
95. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
96. Are you happy with your life: Yes...even though there are so many lows...but dats wat lyf is all abt...highs n lows
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: YES
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: Never
99. Do you believe in God: Yes

I Promise...

"If I had to promise you something, what would it be?
I can't promise that you would always be comfortable...
Because comfort brings boredom and discomfort.
I can't promise that all your desires will be fulfilled...
Because desires whether fulfilled or unfulfilled brings frustration
I can't promise that there will always be good times...
Because it is the tough times that makes us appreciate joy.
I can't promise that we will be rich or famous or powerful...
Because they can be pathways to misery.
I can't promise that we will always be together...
Because it is separation that makes togetherness so wonderful

Yes, if you are willing to walk with me,
If you are willing to value love over everything else,

I promise that this will be the most rich and fulfilling life possible
I promise your life will be an eternal celebration,
I promise you I will cherish you more than a king cherishes his crown,
And I shall love you more than a mother loves her newborn.
If you are willing to walk into my arms,
If you are willing to live in my heart
You will find the one you have waited forever...
You will meet yourself in my arms...
I Promise....."

A CASE FOR TEACHING FUNCTIONAL SKILLS

It is not uncommon for instruction of students with moderate to severe disabilities to be based on a developmental sequence of skills. A dilemma then results when an attempt is made to provide instructional skills failed at a particular developmental level or mental age into additional tasks to be taught. Not only were these developmental benchmarks never intended to be used in this manner, but the result is that students spend a majority of their school day being taught skills that are artificial and/or age inappropriate. Given the time that it takes students with moderate to severe disabilities to acquire and maintain functional skills, there is no time or justification for devoting instruction to teaching items that are selected from a developmentally based hierarchy of supposed "pre-requisite" skills.

A scenario of the outcome for one such student is portrayed by his sibling below....


My brother is 18 years old. He has an IQ of 30 - 40 and has been in school for 12 years. My brother has always attended an elementary school. He has had a number of years of individualized instruction and has learned to do a lot of things!

My brother can do lots of things he couldn't do before!

He can put 100 pegs in a board in less than 10 minutes while in his seat with 95% accuracy.
But, he can't put quarters in vending machines.

Upon command, he can touch his nose, shoulder, leg, foot, hair and ear. He's still working on wrist, ankle and hips.
But, he can't blow his nose when needed.

He can do a 12 piece Big Bird puzzle with 100% accuracy and color the Eastern Bunny while staying in the lines.
But, he prefers music. However, he was never taught how to use a radio or record player.

He can now fold primary paper in halves and even quarters.
But, he can't fold his clothes.

He can sort blocks by color; up to 10 different colors!
But, he can't sort clothes; whites from colors for washing.

He can roll Play- Doh and make wonderful clay snakes.
But, he can't roll bread dough and cut out biscuits.

He can string beads in alternating colors and match it to a pattern on a DLM card.
But, he can't lace his shoes.

He can sing his ABCs and tell names of all the letters of the alphabet when presented on a card in upper case with 80% accuracy.
But, he can't tell the men's room from the ladies room when we go to McDonald's.

He can be told it's cloudy/rainy and take a black felt cloud and put it on the day of the week on an enlarged calendar(with assistance).
But, he still goes out in the rain without a raincoat.

He can point to 100 different Peabody Picture Cards with 100% accuracy.
But, he can't order a hamburger by pointing to a picture or gesturing.

He can walk a balance beam, side ways and backwards.
But, he can't walk up the steps or bleachers unassisted in the gym to go to a basketball game.

He can count to 100 by rote memory.
But, he doesn't know how many dollars to pay the cashier for a $2.59 McDonald's coupon special.

He can put the cube in the box, under the box, beside the box and behind the box.
But, he can't find the trash bin in McDonald's and empty his trash in it.

He can sit in a circle wid appropriate behaviour and sing songs and play "Duck, Duck, Goose"
But, nobody else his age in his neighbourhood seems to want to do that.


I GUESS HE'S JUST NOT READY YET !!

Jaded Whispers

Looking around i see so much of pain n sadness,
which makes me think about what is life's greatness

Everywhere there is so much depression,
as people have been living under so much of supression

There is monotony all around,
and anger within people which surround

No one can hear the approaching outburst's sound,
which would lead all of us into the ground

Why are people always so full of anger,
which makes them languor

Deep inside everyone is hurt,
but keep their emotions covert

There is so much frustration,
which would ultimately lead to our destruction

Everyone goes through pain,
but from seeking help all abstain

Why is there so much darkness,
when will we be able to overcome this blackness

These are the questions in our mind
but will the answers we will ever find...

Precious Moments

Every moment spent next to you made me feel so special,
The way you looked into my eyes made me feel even better.
Every time you held my hand, my heart skipped a beat,
The way you expressed your love, took me off my feet.

The time we spent together,
Experiencing each change of weather.
Discussing the times when we would be father and mother,
And always be there for the other.

Being there in times of happiness as well as sorrow,
The emotion which we shared was which no one can borrow.

But, listening to life's song,
One has to move on....
And not be stuck for too long...

I just wish, we could spend more time together,
& always be there for the other
& not get bothered by our past,
& live in present for our future....